Sometimes this calling on my life doesn’t feel like it is a blessing at all.  It sometimes feels as a curse on me that will never leave me.  It just sucks sometimes.  When it feels like a blessing everything is great and I’m confident in My God.  But when it feels like a curse there is so much pain and heartache that I am not confident in what My God is doing in my life.  And  I know that sounds bad but, I don’t what it sounds like I’m being honest and God likes it when we are.  I know it’s worth it but I also know it’s never going to end.  It’s part of my life.  It’s part of who I am and who I am going to be.

its so hard to not go after something in my life that i want. its hard to sit here and let someone so much bigger than me and someone that i will never be able to completely understand, take control over that area and TRUST Him with that. It’s so hard because when i usually want something…i work hard and to get it…but now, that’s not what i can do.

God is working and doing something. i dont know what he is doing exactly but all i know is that he isnt done yet. He has only just begun and i have to hold on to him and keep pushing on and fighting the good fight.

everything is starting to come into focus.  i know what i want to be in life.  and  i know  that i want to take my mountain.  i know i want to be the man of God my father created me to be.  i know that i want all the gifts that God has prepared for me.  i want the talents that are deep inside me.  i want the everything that is in my heart but in his timing.  i want to have faith, i want to be patient, i want to act in love, i want to trust in God, i want to take action, i want to believe and not doubt, i want to have focus.  I WANT MY DESTINY!!  I’M GOING TO TAKE MY MOUNTAIN AND I’M GOING TO TAKE MY DESTINY!

patience is a key to life.  it is one of the hardest things to learn because God will give you the opportunities to be patient so you may earn it.  it’s not easy but it’s worth the experience.  Help me be patient God.  Help me be patient.

at church yesterday they played a video for a womans conference on the big screens.  it showed two different ladies speaking and one said something that hit me and i feel God was speaking to me.  the one lady had a running paton in her hand and said “tag your it” and that just sent chills down in my body.  i have been tagged and now its my time to get busy.

this sucks, I sit here and think what classes i want to take for school next semester and i look at my transcript and see no success in it.  its hard to think of what i want to do when i don’t have passion for anything yet.  I’m twenty-one and i don’t know what i want to be yet.  It’s so much easier to have a goal and run to it.  i feel like i’m just running with no goal.   why don’t i have anything i’m passionate for?

What I desire, I become. So you’re what I desire, Lord

I can hear the footsteps of my King
I can hear His heartbeat beckoning
In my darkness He has set me free
And now I hear the Spirit calling me

He’s calling wake up child it’s your turn to shine
You were born for such a time as this
He’s calling wake up child it’s your turn to shine
You were born for such a time as this
Such a time as this

And I can hear a holy rumbling
I’ve begun to preach another King
Loosing chains and breaking down the walls
I want to hear the Father when He calls

He’s calling wake up child it’s your turn to shine
You were born for such a time as this!

Such a time as this

This is the anthem of our generation
Here we are God, shake our nation!
All we need is your love,
You captivate me!

I am royalty, I have destiny,
I have been set free, I’m gonna shape history!

I’m gonna change the world!

increase me

show me what you have for me

give me what you want me to want

let me know when something is true

open doors and open my eyes to see them

let me walk as your son did

let me talk as your son did

let me live as your son did

increase me and do your will

that is what i want first

do what you want to do