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I was in love or at least i thought i was i had that funny feeling in the pit of my stomach when my fingers started tingling everytime we kissed but the problem wasnt kissing it was that it happened much too often neither of us whoaaa nooo the best was made for part and this broke my heart but the pain had to heal and i had to get back up if she was for real i know shes worth the fuss this is the story of a boy who fell in love this is the story of a boy who grows up this is the story of a boy who fell in love the man he becomes which led me to a life of love and never in-loveable i would leave affection was the only connection i could make with those i used but i gotta take this heart and make it change for the better but letting go of her im moving on darling look out below cuz there’s a lot to let go but pain had to heal and i had to get back up cause if she was for real i know shes worth the fuss this is the story of a boy who fell in love this is the story of a boy who grows up this is the story of a boy who fell in love this is the story of a boy who grows up  she tells me that im her only one and loves the man that i’ve become despite the boy i was but all it wants this tip toward love? it’s bigger than the both of us and greater than lifes greatest rush this is the story of a boy who fell in love this is the story of a boy who grows up this is the story of a boy who fell in love and the man he becomes whooooooooo this is the story of a boy who fell in love this is the story of the man he becomes

That I will throw away all the old ways of doing things

This day I will change and do things differently

Instead of what I feel holding me back back or what i think other people will think

I am going to take a new step in the right direction

A change of heart is needed to get a different solution.

Have you ever felt like you know how everything is going to end but you just don’t know how you’ll get there?  That’s how I feel.  Like I haven’t started the adventure yet.  But maybe I have started the journey and haven’t realized it yet.  All I know is that I want the adventure, I want the growth, I want the discovery, I want the maturity, and I want the production that God is going to bring me.  It’s a great day!

Sometimes this calling on my life doesn’t feel like it is a blessing at all.  It sometimes feels as a curse on me that will never leave me.  It just sucks sometimes.  When it feels like a blessing everything is great and I’m confident in My God.  But when it feels like a curse there is so much pain and heartache that I am not confident in what My God is doing in my life.  And  I know that sounds bad but, I don’t what it sounds like I’m being honest and God likes it when we are.  I know it’s worth it but I also know it’s never going to end.  It’s part of my life.  It’s part of who I am and who I am going to be.

its so hard to not go after something in my life that i want. its hard to sit here and let someone so much bigger than me and someone that i will never be able to completely understand, take control over that area and TRUST Him with that. It’s so hard because when i usually want something…i work hard and to get it…but now, that’s not what i can do.

God is working and doing something. i dont know what he is doing exactly but all i know is that he isnt done yet. He has only just begun and i have to hold on to him and keep pushing on and fighting the good fight.

everything is starting to come into focus.  i know what i want to be in life.  and  i know  that i want to take my mountain.  i know i want to be the man of God my father created me to be.  i know that i want all the gifts that God has prepared for me.  i want the talents that are deep inside me.  i want the everything that is in my heart but in his timing.  i want to have faith, i want to be patient, i want to act in love, i want to trust in God, i want to take action, i want to believe and not doubt, i want to have focus.  I WANT MY DESTINY!!  I’M GOING TO TAKE MY MOUNTAIN AND I’M GOING TO TAKE MY DESTINY!

patience is a key to life.  it is one of the hardest things to learn because God will give you the opportunities to be patient so you may earn it.  it’s not easy but it’s worth the experience.  Help me be patient God.  Help me be patient.

at church yesterday they played a video for a womans conference on the big screens.  it showed two different ladies speaking and one said something that hit me and i feel God was speaking to me.  the one lady had a running paton in her hand and said “tag your it” and that just sent chills down in my body.  i have been tagged and now its my time to get busy.

this sucks, I sit here and think what classes i want to take for school next semester and i look at my transcript and see no success in it.  its hard to think of what i want to do when i don’t have passion for anything yet.  I’m twenty-one and i don’t know what i want to be yet.  It’s so much easier to have a goal and run to it.  i feel like i’m just running with no goal.   why don’t i have anything i’m passionate for?